Innovation · Inspiration · Life Lessons

Misteaks were made

Our culture tends to reward perfectionism. Never say die, never fail, never let them see you sweat, be all you can be. And so on.

I’ve worked with–and for–a lot of perfectionists. Some of my best friends are perfectionists. I might have even fallen in love with a perfectionist or two. And, in the spirit of full disclosure, I’ve had my own bouts with setting impossibly high standards for myself and then falling short time and time again. Let the self flagellation begin!

It’s a trap.

In fact, more and more research suggests that perfectionism actually hampers success, while being a major contributor to depression, anxiety and even suicide.

Unfortunately, the growth of social media only exacerbates the situation and sets us up for a ridiculous game of comparison as our “friends” share all the fabulous things they are doing, all the great relationships they are in (“best boyfriend ever!”) and all the wonderful food they are enjoying (“nom”).

All these crazy comparisons only make us crazy. When we stop worrying about what others will think we are truly free to embrace being ourselves, warts and all.

Our fear of looking stupid or vulnerable hinders the possibility for intimacy. Letting go of our desire for control and certainty paves the way for real connection.

And it’s precisely our unwillingness to fail that is the biggest barrier to innovation (of all kinds) and personal growth. As Seth reminds us, “if failure is not option, neither is success.”

Fear of failure, of making a mistake, keeps us stuck in so many ways.

Perfectionism is a curse. Imperfection yields many gifts.

What do you say? Let’s go make some mistakes.

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A version of this post originally appeared on my purpose-driven blog I Got Here As Fast As I Could.

Innovation · Inspiration · Leadership · Life Lessons

Predictable crises

When someone we care about fails to admit they have a serious problem and fails to do the work to remedy it, are we shocked when they eventually experience the consequences of their addictive or dysfunctional behavior?

Are we surprised one little bit when a brand facing stiff competition and highly disruptive forces finds itself struggling to stay in business because it never bothered to get serious about innovation?

Is it at all astonishing that deficits mount or poverty persists or bridges collapse when politicians lack the courage to address the root causes and constantly kick the can down the road?

In The Sun Also Rises one of Hemingway’s characters famously answered the question of how he went bankrupt by saying: “Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly.”

If we are honest, many of us see the wall we’re going to crash into long before we feel the impact. But fear keeps us stuck in inaction and false hope.

Liars lie. Gravity always wins. And few problems unaddressed magically fix themselves.

The best time to start was likely years ago. The second best time is now.

yves klein

 

 

Innovation · Leadership · Life Lessons

Whataboutery

Lately it seems like some people are all about whataboutism.

As just one high profile example, when the President of the United States is challenged on wrongdoing in his administration, his immediate response is to bring up the Clintons. Mention “alleged” sexual predatory behavior on his part (or fellow Republicans) and the knee jerk reaction is to shift the attention to the misdeeds of members of the opposition party. And so on.

If there were a Nobel Prize for chutzpah there’s little doubt who’d win.

Of course, The Donald is hardly alone. The parade of statements that start with some variation of “yeah, but what about?” often appears unending. And in the spirit of full disclosure, I will admit that I’ve engaged in some Ph.D. level deflection myself. You can definitely find at least one person who can give give you chapter and verse on my ninja-like avoidance skills.

It turns out it’s hard for many of us to own our stuff.

But, deep down, anyone with the emotional IQ a notch above a salamander knows that just because someone else might have engaged in similar bad behavior does not make our misdeeds okay. At all. Not one little bit.

While we may feel good about our self-righteous quest to point out the hypocrisy of others (thank you for your service!) what we are doing is merely taking the focus away from that for which we are ultimately responsible.

What about focusing on our own stuff for just a bit?

What about letting the Universe sort out the rest?

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Inspiration · Life Lessons

Heads you win

As we celebrate Thanksgiving in the United States, many of us will engage in some practice, formal or otherwise, to name that for which we are grateful. Our health, our families, a roof over our head, the delicious food we are about to eat, and so on. You know the drill.

This is mostly an exercise in naming “the what” of our gratitude, and recognizes little of “the why” or “the how.”

Clearly plenty of folks have worked hard to achieve levels of wealth, connection and safety that millions cannot even fathom; some of us overcoming childhood trauma, poverty, illness or other very challenging circumstances. That is to be acknowledged and admired.

Yet it also true that the sheer serendipity of our birth can play a significant role, and working hard may have rather little to do with whether on this day we experience abundance or scarcity or somewhere in between. This is what Warren Buffett refers to as the “Ovarian Lottery.”

Heads you win. Tails I lose. Or vice versa.

The fact is that the zip code or particular family situation we just happened to be born into is often a huge determinant of our future. In the United States inequality begins in the womb. So as Barry Switzer famously said, if we were born on third base we shouldn’t go through life thinking we hit a triple.

As I sit down for our Thanksgiving meal, I am extremely grateful. But I am also humbled and filled with compassion. Yes, I worked hard, but I also got lucky. Very, very lucky.

Inspiration · Leadership · Life Lessons

The 3 things we cannot change

Despite our earnest wishes there are three important things we cannot change.

The past.

The truth.

Another person.

Sure, we can learn from our history.

Yes, we need to be careful to separate facts from our often distorted perceptions.

Of course, people can evolve. But never through the sheer force of our will.

Life only happens in the present moment.

Meaningful change comes from confronting and accepting reality, however unpleasant.

We are solely responsible for our thoughts and actions.

To get out of the mental prison we’ve built, we must first realize we are in it.

h/t Anne Lamott

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