“Actually, I’m the one who deserves an apology”

When someone says this the one thing you can be virtually certain of is that they aren’t owed an apology.

This is the language of the person who lives in the Karpman Triangle. It’s the default mechanism for someone who bounces between bully, victim and savior, who fails to take responsibility and own up to their actions. It’s the go-to-strategy for someone engaged, consciously or not, in a game of manipulation.

It’s exhausting to work with or be in a relationship with people like this. It’s exhausting to be this person (trust me, been there, done that, still struggle with it).

The world is hard enough without our getting stuck in self-righteous indignation or victim-hood. And I’m pretty sure there is no shortage of bullies or martyrs.

I know that when I shift my intention toward taking responsibility, demonstrating compassion, extending grace and simply doing the work–rather than merely talking about it–good stuff happens.

When I go on the attack, when I sit in judgement, when I wait around to be acknowledged for my noble deeds–which, of course, are far too great to enumerate here–well, not so much.

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